By Margaret Paul
Couples that have a very good relationship are not just lucky. Successful, loving relationships do not just happen. The couples that have loving relationships are taking specific actions that people in unsuccessful relationships are not taking.
ACTION 1 - KINDNESS TO SELF AND OTHER
Think for a moment about how you go through your day. Are you focused on what you don't like in yourself or your partner? Do you spend much of your thinking time judging yourself or your partner? Or, do you make the spiritual attribute of kindness to yourself and others, including your partner, your highest priority? People in successful relationships treat themselves and their partner with kindness – kind words, kind actions, kind looks, kind listening, and kind thoughts. It is far more important to them to be kind than to try to control their partner withanger, judgment, criticism, irritation, blame, resistance or withdrawal.
ACTION 2 - PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR FEELINGS
People in loving relationships do not make their partner responsible for their feelings. When they feel angry, hurt, anxious, depressed, resentful, irritated, guilty, or shamed, they look within at their own thoughts and behavior that may be causing their painful feelings. They do not see themselves as victims of their partner's choices. Rather, they learn how to manage their own feelings without dumping their upset on their partner. When they can't manage their own feelings, they get the help they need rather than dump anger, blame, anxiety or depression onto their partner.
ACTION 3 - ORGANIZATIONAL RESPONSIBILITY
People in successful relationships take responsibility for managing their time and space in ways that work for themselves and their partner. They make sure they have enough time with each other to talk, learn, resolve conflict, play and make love. The make sure they have time with children, time for chores, time for work and time for relaxation. They take care of their mutual living spaces in ways that respect their partner's needs. If one partner tends to be neat and the other messy, they both strive to make their living environment pleasant for both of them rather than either of them complying, controlling, or resisting. Because their highest priority is kindness to themselves and each other, they are motivated to discover ways of living together that meets both of their needs.
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Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
When Your Get Up & Go Just Got Up And Went!
Five Tips to Refresh and Renew Yourself in the New Year
Let's face it: new years are not always "new". Too often it feels like nothing more than a new calendar in which to write down pages of non-stop activities, project deadlines, social obligations, and commitments made by someone other than you.
SO stop! It's time to plug into something that YOU choose-something that can renew your batteries and refresh your interest in work AND life. Unlike the bobble-headed figures that nod "yes" at every touch, you DO get to declare "time out" and place yourself first.
#1: Retreat to advance. Take yourself away for at least two nights and three days to a place for a silent retreat. Yes-silence! Forbid yourself from using the phone, the television, or the radio. It's time to listen instead to the voices in your head that have been trying to get your attention for ages. Write what you sense. Think on paper. And make resolutions that speak to what matters most.
#2: Experience something far a field from your profession. Take a class or read a book that is NOT in your chosen line of work. Select something that piques your curiosity. The notion is to look for connections or ideas that might stimulate a new way of looking at your work or your life. Former elementary teacher Gail Wenos studied ventriloquism and discovered a new way to teach adults!
#3: Stretch yourself. If you take an exercise class once a month, try going two more times. If you cook the same food the same way, alternate with a new cookbook. One father saw himself as totally ill-equipped to ride anything that had less than four wheels. But he took motorcycle lessons with his teenage son and his sense of personal accomplishment grew along with the bond to his child.
#4: Practice your art every week. Everyone has an art. It might be hammering nails or singing in the shower. It might be designing a garden or counseling a friend. But it uses a talent you've got and when this talent is engaged, you burn brightly. You leave the time refreshed. Put this down as a personal "no matter what" on your day timer.
#5: Throw out what weighs you down. Read only those things that are meaningful to you. Can the clutter as well as the people who are the constant complainers and gripers. Ditch the weight of unnecessary purchases and their financial burden. Give clothes you haven't worn in over a year to Goodwill . Remember, every ounce counts.
Think of 2008 as the year that YOU take control over what charges your batteries and renews your energy field. Guaranteed, it won't cost $100 per barrel.
(c) 2008, McDargh Communications. All rights reserved. You may reprint this article so long as it remains intact with the byline and if all links are made live.
Professional speaker, Eileen McDargh, has helped hundreds of companies conversations that matter. Her newly revised book Work for a Living and Still Be Free to Live was one of the first books to address the notion of balance and authentic work. To join The Energizer e-zine, purchase a book or read free articles on leadership, stress, teamwork and communication visit her motivational speaker website.
Let's face it: new years are not always "new". Too often it feels like nothing more than a new calendar in which to write down pages of non-stop activities, project deadlines, social obligations, and commitments made by someone other than you.
SO stop! It's time to plug into something that YOU choose-something that can renew your batteries and refresh your interest in work AND life. Unlike the bobble-headed figures that nod "yes" at every touch, you DO get to declare "time out" and place yourself first.
#1: Retreat to advance. Take yourself away for at least two nights and three days to a place for a silent retreat. Yes-silence! Forbid yourself from using the phone, the television, or the radio. It's time to listen instead to the voices in your head that have been trying to get your attention for ages. Write what you sense. Think on paper. And make resolutions that speak to what matters most.
#2: Experience something far a field from your profession. Take a class or read a book that is NOT in your chosen line of work. Select something that piques your curiosity. The notion is to look for connections or ideas that might stimulate a new way of looking at your work or your life. Former elementary teacher Gail Wenos studied ventriloquism and discovered a new way to teach adults!
#3: Stretch yourself. If you take an exercise class once a month, try going two more times. If you cook the same food the same way, alternate with a new cookbook. One father saw himself as totally ill-equipped to ride anything that had less than four wheels. But he took motorcycle lessons with his teenage son and his sense of personal accomplishment grew along with the bond to his child.
#4: Practice your art every week. Everyone has an art. It might be hammering nails or singing in the shower. It might be designing a garden or counseling a friend. But it uses a talent you've got and when this talent is engaged, you burn brightly. You leave the time refreshed. Put this down as a personal "no matter what" on your day timer.
#5: Throw out what weighs you down. Read only those things that are meaningful to you. Can the clutter as well as the people who are the constant complainers and gripers. Ditch the weight of unnecessary purchases and their financial burden. Give clothes you haven't worn in over a year to Goodwill . Remember, every ounce counts.
Think of 2008 as the year that YOU take control over what charges your batteries and renews your energy field. Guaranteed, it won't cost $100 per barrel.
(c) 2008, McDargh Communications. All rights reserved. You may reprint this article so long as it remains intact with the byline and if all links are made live.
Professional speaker, Eileen McDargh, has helped hundreds of companies conversations that matter. Her newly revised book Work for a Living and Still Be Free to Live was one of the first books to address the notion of balance and authentic work. To join The Energizer e-zine, purchase a book or read free articles on leadership, stress, teamwork and communication visit her motivational speaker website.
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